Me (as Charlie):

Today I tried to kill the cat. I swear it wasn't intentional at all. My cat is an indoor cat, he is declawed and quite old but loves to go outside. Everytime we open the door he races to try to get out and usually we catch him before he gets out. I guess this time I didn't even see him sneak past. He was outside all day. When he was found he had icicles all over him. We just had a big snowstorm yesterday. I could have killed him. God, I feel so guilty. I ... just feel like crying.

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This was the story that was my "undoing" as Charlie. I mentioned it to another friend and word of mouth got around and eventually this got back to Alias. I am retarded. It took me two days to figure out that he knew.