Dear B,

We were always pretty close weren't we? I mean we were together all the time. We liked the same tv shows, laughed at the same jokes. I've known you all my life. You were always there for me. Always. Even when I didn't deserve to have you there. Even when I didn't appreciate you. You have always been my best friend.

You were supposed to be there for my wedding but, you weren't even at my graduation. There were so many adventures we were supposed to have. So many stories to tell. I didn't know it would end up like this. I would have tried so much harder. I would have been a better friend. I didn't know, and I'm writing to say I'm sorry.

I did some terrible things to you. I don't even know if you knew. I said some terrible things to you, about you. I don't think I ever told you how truly sorry I am. God, I'm so sorry. I'd do anything to take it all back. To do things over. But I am so glad we parted as friends.

The hardest thing was telling you the truth. It was worth it, even if it was the last time we ever spoke. It was the best thing I ever did. I wish I would have told you sooner. Maybe things would have turned out different.

It's hard for me to think about you sometimes. I still do think of you. Even now, some 8 years later, you're still on my mind. I don't ever want to forget you because without even trying, you taught me so much. You taught me to be be strong and smart. And that you need to be your own person to truly be fulfilled. You showed me that there is beauty in everything. From you I learned that simplifing isn't the same as taking the easy way out. And that not fighting doesn't mean giving up.

I still remember that day we last talked. I didn't even want to see you. It was hard for me to see you. She made me go though, and I'm glad she did. The whole visit was awkward, I had this weight on my chest. There just didn't seem to be a right time to bring it up. I didn't want to look stupid. Soon enough she said it was probably time we should go.

I knew I couldn't leave this time without telling you. I sat beside you and finally opened my heart to you. I told you that you were my best friend. I looked in your eyes and told you I loved you more than anything. I'd do anything for you. You were so wonderful. You smiled and hugged me and told me I what I needed to hear more than anything. You said you felt the same. And I left and told you I'd see you soon.

After that I don't remember much of what happened next. I don't know how long it was. It feels like forever. I came home and she was waiting for me. Told me we were going to see you. It wasn't unusual. She didn't make it sound like we were in a hurry, so I stopped to change my clothes. If I had known... She didn't tell me to hurry. You were already gone.

I never told you, but when it first happened, when you first got sick, I was so scared. I talked with God. I told Him all about you and how much you meant to me and asked Him not to take you until I told you. I begged Him to just wait until I could get the words out. You fought through and made it even though they said you probably wouldn't. You were fighting and I thought you were getting a little better. At least, you weren't getting any worse.

It was so many months. I didn't really remember that prayer any more. But that day, I just had this burning in my stomache, I had to tell you right now. He was telling me it was time and I didn't even know it. I'm so thankful for that.

So I'm writing to say I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner. I'm sorry we didn't have more time. And thank you for being so amazing. I still miss you and I still love you. You'll always be my best friend.

"See you soon."