29. It's 2004. Where are all the hover cars?

28.If you think the night is over-rated, your parties probably suck.

27. You can never have enough streamers.

26. Look around the room. These are your friends??

25. Drinking champagne out of an army boot is not sexy.

24. Sorry, any resolution you make is doomed to fail.

23. It's just not as exciting now that Y2K is over.

22. Sometimes new acquaintances should be forgot too.

21. Always leave with the person you came with. Okay, try.

20. Confetti and hairspray simply do not mix.

19. Plastic Champagne glasses are tres gauche.

18. The lyrics to "Auld Lang Syne" make even less sense when you are sober.

17. Kissing your mother at midnight doesn't count.

16. Being in the can when the countdown starts really sucks.

15. Flying champagne corks can really hurt.

14. Dick Clark: reptilian kitten eater from another planet?

13. Shiny shoes good. Mirrored shoes bad.

12. Two words: breath mints.

11. Nobody thinks your tux t-shirt is hilarious any more.

10. Baby New Year soils diapers exactly at midnight.

9. Father Time Is freakin' exhausted.

8. This is one holiday in desperate need of a mascot.

7. Cab drivers roam the streets like hungry dogs.

6. A veritable breeding ground for cold sores.

5. Pace yourself. There's plenty of time to throw up later.

4. Don't forget to say, "See you next year" at least once.

3. Noisemakers rock!

2. If you know where you are when you wake up, it wasn't a good party.

1. Beer before wine, all is fine. Beer after liquor, never sicker.