But it was everything I have been feeling for a while now.

But there's no way I can post it willy-nilly online like this. I gave this link to people.

People who have seen me live and in person (as opposed to dead and in person? live and in spirit??) know way too much about me as it is.

So here are some random tidbits of that entry that I have pieced together to describe some of this story. It's kind of funny how well this worked out.

Once upon a time...she forgot that...the people around her were...plotting out the perfect...metaphorical puzzle...

My life...didn't have a happy ending...

I wish...I'd be beautiful and rich...or strung out and alone.

it's a good thing...I still have this fear...because, what kind of response can I give?...you coward!

Someday...Someday I will...I wonder alot if I have it...so much sometimes, I don't want to be like her

I don't want to think about...I don't want to know about...why she always feels alone

I never want to see her cry.

I have lived because I am the strong one...I'm not sure I want to. I'm afraid.

I'm still contemplating...I still want to avoid thinking...I'm still struggling...I still wish this had worked out...That I could have someone elses life...

I'm still thinking about Cordelia, about Tash, Lin, Gabby, Jess, Kev, Chan and Ry. About opportunities missed. About how things would have been different. But their not. But they're not. But there's not...

Just getting through today is a struggle.

I'm exhausted now.

Thanks for listening.