I've heard it said once that by the time someone confronts you about your mistakes or personal inequities that God has exhausted all other means of communicating the message. I think that's really true. So often I find myself making the same mistakes over again, thinking no one else is even paying attention. Looking back, there are always signs that I should have been looking at that could have helped me avoid this situation, but it's not until someone directly confronts me about it, that I even consciously think about it. Even then, usually my pride is too hurt for me to look objectively to see the merit in their words. Like little kids who are chastised by their parents, we know we were wrong, but we're mad about getting caught and we show it through slamming doors, avoiding the issue or laying blame.

I think a lot of our mental issues manifest themselves in physical ways. My boss at work (not SNB, but the one I like) has said that often, when she gets a sore throat, it's because she needs to not say something or has already said something she shouldn't have. That kind of makes sense to me.

She also told me "next time you get a headache, stop right where you are, take a look at where you are, who you are with and what you are doing. Chances are one of those things is the problem and if you avoid it or change it, your headache will disappear." This has gotten me thinking about my own physical ailments. Specifically, recently my neck has been so tense and sore that it hurts to turn my head from left to right. Using her theory of the language of the body, this makes me think that perhaps I need more focus in my life. I need to stop being distracted by the side projects and keep my eyes forward. This also makes sense, because I'm super good at getting off track. Alternately, the pain in my neck could be a person, or situation that is a "pain in the neck" so to speak. I can think of at least a few.

Regardless of the medical accuracy of this type of theory, it does work in at least one respect: it gets you thinking about your life and what changes could and should be made; why you're in the place you are in.

There is a girl I work with, who recently has become so sick, she could barely get out of bed at all. She went to the emergency today and they said it might be her gallbladder, which would mean surgery. All the while, she's spending time worrying about work. About how no one's available to cover her shifts, how she can't afford the time off, how she feels like she's letting people down by not going in. I'm sitting there listening to this thinking, those are some messed up priorities. It's a barely above minimum wage job in the entertainment industry. You are not the president of the world. And even if you were, if you don't take care of yourself now, you're going to be even more useless in the long run. They've done studies!

But I digress. My point is, everyone seems to be so lost, and though I am confident I know the answers, I don't have the words to explain it. Even if I did, actions speak louder than words, and mine are shouting "hypocrite!"

It makes me sad, and I feel powerless to stop it.

Don't look at me if you're looking for perfection
Don't look at me I will only let you down
I'll do my best to point you in the right direction
But don't look at me
No, no, no
Don't look at me, look at Him
-Stacie Orrico