Recently Dee has been complaining about nothing good to write about. In my celebratory entry in honor of her 500th post, I'd like to attempt to rectify that. So, Dee, Happy 500! and Hope This Helps!

Step 1) Go to a bookshop that contains a cafe. I'm not sure what you have up there in Canadia (where Canadians come from), but here in the US we have Barnes & Noble or Boarders. These places (especially B&N) are full of creative energy.

Step 2) Caffeine has been shown to stimulate the creative part of your brain (I just made that up, there have been no studies, but it always seems to do so for me), so order a delicious latte. If this latte is going to be flavored, it must be vanilla because vanilla is the only flavor that has been scientifically proven (by a moth and a badger) to stimulate creativity.

Step 3) Pull out the spiral bound notebook that you brought with you and open it to a fresh page. Place the notebook on the table. Get out the pencil you also brought.

Step 4) Holding the pencil by the sharpened end, tap the eraser on the notebook thoughtfully. After a while, take a sip of your latte. All the while, stare into space so as to look like you're being very creative.

Step 5) After a while, doodle on the notepad. This can be hearts, diamonds, stars, short segments of song lyrics with all the "i"s dotted with hearts, etc. Remember to continue to sip your latte.

Step 6) Write the following on your piece of paper: Today reminded me of the time that I caught a moth and a badger to force them into slave labor. I told them I would hurt their families if they did not scientifically prove which flavored syrups induce creativity.

Step 7) Cross out what you have just written, then stare into space some more. Remember to continue to sip your latte.

Step 8) Chew on your pencil. Chewing (on gum, pencils, etc.) actually has been scientifically proven by people scientists to increase blood flow to the brain and while it hasn't been studied whether or not this makes you more creative, it does help you remember things. Upon remembering this fact, write a note to yourself on your paper to remember to chew gum next time you are studying.

Step 9) Finish latte.

Step 10) Be depressed that latte is done. It's all you can think about now, so don't even bother trying to think of an entry.

Step 11) Go home. By now you have received at least three forwards from well-meaning friends in your e-mail. Find the best of the three.

Step 12) Post this forward on your diaryland blog with promises to write something more meaningful next time.

Step 13) Relax for another 24 hours.

Yours,

-AS!

We will soon return to our regularly scheduled crappy programing. (As soon as DSL is installed.